


melted

by jongshyuns



Category: SHINee
Genre: EDNOS, Eating Disorders, Graphic descriptions, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Slight Angst?, Vomit, lapslock, more tags will be added later maybe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-15 05:55:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14784765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jongshyuns/pseuds/jongshyuns
Summary: you can only starve so much before you diethere's parts of jonghyun gone that kibum can never revive





	melted

**Author's Note:**

> this contains fairly graphic depictions of eating disorders,  
> mainly ednos but could be categorized as anorexia b/p subtype  
> this work is not reflective of everyone with an ed but loosely based off   
> my own personal experiences, and is in no way reflective of or meant to harm  
> jonghyun's image. i relate to him quite a lot and i often use writing as  
> an outlet to express emotions instead of more harmful alternatives  
> all that aside i hope you enjoy, sorry this note is so long uwu

“i like your shirt”   


it was a soft spoken statement by a shorter pink-haired man, thick rimmed glasses on the bridge of his nose and a worn out nike sweater hanging off his frame that looked decades old. in a way he was reminiscent of a lost puppy, and he had kind, tired eyes that were cast downwards as he pretended to occupy himself by counting and recounting the change in his hand numerous times.   


but before kibum could reply, the pink-haired male--who he subconsciously decided to call puppy due to the similarities--looked up at him again, blinking rapidly, asking the total as his gaze then fluttered around at the menu, on the ice cream cone in kibum’s hand, the pocket change in his hand, then back to kibum’s own.   


“$1.17,” kibum cleared his throat, reaching one hand out to collect the change and the other to give the ice cream to the newly nicknamed ‘puppy,’ giving a warm smile to the older as he carefully set the change in his upturned palm. puppy had gave the tiniest of bows to kibum, uttering a small thanks as he took his treat and retreated to a small booth in the corner, not far from the bathrooms and right next to the edge of a window.   
  


jonghyun felt nervous. he felt like bugs were crawling under his skin and like every pair of eyes was on him, watching, waiting for him to slip up so they could viciously pounce on him and mock him, laugh at him until he broke under pressure. he had a vice grip on the ice cream, staring and concentrating so hard on it that he was practically burning holes into it as his mind raced with thoughts.   
  
he didn’t deserve this. jonghyun was a firm believer that he 100% did not do anything to deserve this treat he held in his hands. the small but prominent voice in the back of his head screamed at him to not eat it, to just throw it away and leave, asking him in cruel tones how he could throw away all the progress he’s made so easily. jonghyun felt more self conscious of his body, feeling beads of sweat form on his forehead as he thought about how the ice-cream attendant stared at him the whole time.

did he look fat today? to himself it was an easy question to answer, to him it was always yes; he was never skinny enough for his liking. not even when he could see and count every rib without trying, not when his hip bones jutted out unnaturally far past a concave stomach, or when his thighs seemed to have miles of space between them when he stood with feet together. jonghyun’s hand reached up subconsciously to trace his protruding collarbones, to run across his impossibly angular jawline and cheekbones. 

but despite how fat he felt, despite the bugs crawling under his flesh and the voices tearing his head apart, he ate the ice cream. slowly at first, a few kitten licks to the top as he kept his breathing even, and then increasingly faster, heart racing as he hurried to finish as fast as possible.    
  
jonghyun felt downright vile. he wrapped his arms around his tiny waist, nearly folding in on himself after realization of what he had done sunk in. his body shuddered like a leaf in the rain, his spine digging into the hard plastic backing of the booth. the only thought on his mind as he shot up, nearly stumbling on the way out of the seat on the way to the restroom, was that he had to get it out as fast as possible.   
  
two fingers down his throat as soon as he locks the stall, shoved violently as far as they’ll go as he hunches over and heaves, his stomach lurching as sickly sweet melted ice cream and bile were expelled into the toilet, over and over until the acid from his stomach is burning his throat raw and tears threaten to spill over his eyes. he’s exhausted. he’s empty, and faint. he slides against the wall, his head back as he catches his breath.   
  


where did he go?

that was the first thought on kibum’s mind as he looked for the pink-haired male. he didn’t hear the familiar chime of the bell on the door, but puppy’s been gone for a strangely long amount of time, just enough for kibum to feel concern tug at the depths of his stomach.

after making sure no one was about to enter, he slipped out from behind the counter and headed towards the restroom, wiping his sweaty palms against the white red fabric of his work pants. kibum tentatively pushed open the door, ears straining against the uneasy silence for any noise.

just barely, the noise of shaky, uneven breaths caught his attention. the sound of them suddenly stopping, the shuffling of shoes against tile floors, and then silence.   
  


jonghyun froze as the sound of the door opening broke him from his trance, immediately closing his mouth and focusing on breathing through his nose as he shakily rose to his feet against the wall, blinking rapidly. the world tilted and tiny stars littered across his vision, rising and falling with each blink of his eyes. he brought up a hand to push his pink hair out of his eyes, instead opting to keep hold of the strands, his cold palm pressed against his forehead.

he just has to breathe.


End file.
